Suburban Shaman
By Holly Tannen
from her album, Rime of the Ancient Matriarch

Oh, Once I was a husband But now I am a man
Twas in the year of '95 that my new life began
I went out to find myself among the mushrooms and the trees
along with fourty other Joseph Campbell wannabe's

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, I went into the closet to see what I could find
My dacron and my polyester I did leave behind
I took down my goatskin drum with the Navajo designs
And I borrowed Martha's silver fox to gird around me loins

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, I drove up to the campsight on a Friday afternoon
I heard what sounded like coyotes howling at the moon
I took out my Diner's Club card to pay them what was due
They said, "You are a cavebear -- you're in teepee number two

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, they took away my matches, my flashlight and my watch
All they left me was the silver fox to cover up my crotch
So I staggered through the bushes hoping I could find my clan
But instead I stumbled on another naked howling man

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, I asked was he a cave bear, and could he help me please?
He said he was a stag and we were mortal enemies
Then he gored me with his antlers, I slashed in with my claw
I grabbed him by the neck and held him in my mighty jaws

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Then I dropped him on the ground and I gave a mighty roar
For I heard a lusty chorus chanting hymns in praise of Thor
There were half a dozen cave bears hunkered down upon a rock
And two chickens wraped in plastic from the Safeway down the block

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, the patriarch of cave bears was six foot three or four
Covered head to toe in weird tattoos he'd gotten in the war
But he couldn't start the fire with his awsome furrly paw
So he growelled and said, "To hell with it! We'll have to eat'em raw!"

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, we planned a rite of passage so we could be born anew
But we found we all were circomecised so what else could we do?
So we set up a peyote rite and brother, it was deep
I could tell you more about it if I hadn't gone to sleep

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

And so now the weekend's over and I'm on the freeway home
And alone with me bold comrads, no longer can I roam
No more wading in the river, or leaping from the rocks
And there's mud and blood and chicken grease on Martha's silver fox

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do

Oh, once I was a husband, but a cave bear I am now
And neither Martha nor the kids can make me break my vow
I'll no longer take the trash out. I'll do just what I please
I'll hibernate and eat and growl and scratch my skin for flees

With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do
With me Rant-tan-tu-ra-nity Fal-de-di-do