Ollie and the Ollie-Gaters
by Paul Edwin Zimmer (c) 1987,8
Tune: "Charlie is My Darling"- Scots Traditional Ballad
He don't care nothing for the Congress
Or the People, or the Brass!
"They can't touch ME," says Ollie,
"'cause the Old Man loves my ass!"
Ooh-Ollie is my darling, my darling, my darling,
Ollie is my darling--and such a perfect Ass!
All the town of Washington
Is buzzing with reports
That everyone who meets him falls
In Love with Colonel North!
He'll wine you and he'll dine you
And he'll tell you foolish lies
Like---"Ortega is Russian!"
And "The Contras are nice guys!"
"The Ayatollah and the Pope,
Palastinian and Jew
Have all joined in Conspiracy
With Dr. Fu Manchu!"
"These terrorists to stop me have
Thrown garbage on my lawn;
Made obscene phone calls to my wife,
And wolf-whistled at Fawn!"
And when such Conversation's plunged
The party into gloom,
Ollie rises from his chiar--
For it's time to leave the room!
"Now, I can't ask for money--
As I'm sure you understand--
But suck--er--ah--Contributors--
Will shake Ronnie by the hand!
"Channel, here's our only hope
To stop approaching Doom--
But DON'T give him your money--YET--
Give me time to leave the room!"
FOR--What has made this country rich
Is following this Rule--
"There's one born every minute--
Part the money from the Fool!"
And the whole administration
Is dashing in and out,
Directing operations that
They do not know about!
With a beggar's cup to Brunei
Shultz's deputy goes forth
"How shall we hide the money?"
"Oh, just go ask Ollie North!"
"If you need to hide some money,
You can send the whole amount
To this secret number no one knows--
Except Fawn-- Who doesen't count!"
(Spoken) not very well, anyway!--
Fawn knows a secretary should
Regard her Boss with awe--
And she can see that Ollie's will
Ranks well above the law!
"We need the Ayatollah's cash
To help us fight the Reds:
But a silly law bans sales to those
Who desecrate our dead!
"And if we free the Hostages
Before Election Time,
A few thousand missles won't be missed--
And who'll dare call it crime?"
"To save Freedom, destroy it:"
That's the plan, for, mark ye, now--
We've changed our form of government--
It's an Ollie-garchy now!
Ask of that guy on TV--
The one shouting "You have sinned!"
What harvest will the Country reap
Now that Ollie's sown the wind?
But every crook in Washington
Is chortling with glee:
"I'll just say 'Ollie did it!'
Then no one will bother me!"
Thus the whole administra-ation
Can get get away Scott-free--
They'll just hang it all on Ollie--
And hang Ollie from a tree!
He don't take orders from the People
Or the Congress or the Brass:
"They can't touch *me*!" says Ollie
"Cause that Old Man loves my Ass!"