Natural Theology
Lyrics by Rudyard Kipling Sung by Leslie Fish

I ate my fill of a whale that died
and stranded after a month at sea.
There is a pain in my inside-
Why have the gods aflicted me?
How I'm purged till I am arathe
while I'm sick till I cannot see.
What is the sense of religion and faith?
Look how the gods have aflicted me!
How can the skin of a rat or a mouse
hold anything more than a harmless flee
The burning plauge has taken my household
Why have the gods aflicted me?
All my kith and kin are deceased
Though they were as good as good could be
I will out and batter the family priest
Because my gods have aflicted me!
My privy and well drain into each other
after the custom of Christen-dee
Fevers and fluxes are waisting my mother
Why has the lord aflicted me?
The saints are helpless for all I offer
So are the clergy I used to feed
Hereafter I'll keep my cash in my coffer
Because the lord has aflicted me.
I run eight-hundred hens to the acher.
they die by dozens mysteriously
I am more than doughtful concerning my maker
Why has the lord aflicted me?
What a return for all my endeavors
Not to mention the parody
I am an aithiest now and forever
Because this god has aflicted me.
Money spent on an army or fleet
is homocidal lunacy
My son was killed in the Hun's retreat
Why is the lord aflicting me?
Why are murder, pilage and arson
and rape allowed by the diety
I will write to the Times deriding our parson
Because my god has aflicted me.
We had a kettle, we let it leak
our not repairing it made it worse.
We haven't had any tea for a week.
The bottom is out of the universe
This was none of the good god's pleasure
The spirit they breathed in man is free
But what comes after is measure for measure
and not any god that aflicteth thee
As was the sowing, so the reaping
Is now and ever more shall be
Thou art delivered to thyne own keeping
Only thyself aflicteth thee.