A profound discovery
Thursday, December 1, 2005, 12:11 PM - English, Gender Politics
This morning I was reading a story for English 102 about a young girl who must travel to another town for her uncle's imminent demise. He is on his deathbed and among his relatives, he specifically asks for her, a particularly vivacious young women who -in the beginning- notices how her own strength and vitality are powerful enough to transform the dirty looks men give her into wholesome feelings of lust for life.

She encounters her uncle and he asks the priest to perform a "death wedding" of sorts so -he says and the whole family believes- she can inherit all his stuff. But her intuition knows better; she goes through the ritual because it is expected of her. But she dies inside. Then, after everyone has left, in shock she follows orders, sacrificing her youth and innocence to him as he stubbornly refuses to die- he keeps himself alive on his lust for her.

It is precisely this youth and beauty and exhuberance that she looses so he can selfishly keep himself alive a few more years. It is a terrible tradgety. I felt very strongly for her, but -surprisingly- even more strongly I found myself able to imagine his feelings. As though the quest for a more young, beautiful vavacious lover occupying my waking thoughts these past 12 years has been nothing but a blind selfish drive to become young again myself by sacraficing the youth and beauty (and innocence) of some young woman's vavacious lifeforce.

I am ashamed and at the same time, elated that I have finally identified the feelings which have been driving me for so long. Having identified them, I now can decide the proper course of action (mourne them and move on) instead of remaining stuck as I have been for so long. This was the key to a problem I've had for ten or more years. A great weight has been lifted.

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Busiest school week so far
Thursday, November 17, 2005, 11:05 AM - Russian, French, English, Journalism, Academics
I spent the weekend (1) Studying for a big Russian test (which ended up happening on Wednesday instead of Monday) (2) Writing a 5 minute persuasive speech for C&J 130 (3) Writing the rough draft of my first big English essay (on Robert Frost; due at the end of the month) and beginning to think about what classes to take next semester. Whew!

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New Powerbook!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005, 10:17 PM - Russian, French, English, Math, Macintosh
As part of my expenses for "Education", the New Mexico Commission for the Blind has seen fit to buy me a brand new 12" Apple Powerbook laptop computer. I'm just setting it up tonight. (I had to get my homework done first). Now I can use it for looking at textbooks in class (it weighs 4.6 pounds) use it for typing in English or Russian as well as use it instead of a graphing calculator in math class. I'm a happy lion!

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On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I also have Math 120
Thursday, September 29, 2005, 07:44 AM - School, Russian, French, English, Math
Math is still so easy it's not yet worth writing about. But here's my schedule: Monday, Wednesday and Friday: Russian 101, Dance 124 at UNM. Tuesday & Thursday: English 102 and Math 120 at TVI. Mondays, French 103.

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First English 102 Essay
Thursday, September 29, 2005, 07:38 AM - School, English
So the assignment was to read the story, "Deliverance" by Premchand which is the story of (mainly) two men in Indian caste society, a really nice and good hearted untouchable and a really mean and angry Brahman (priest). The brahman works the untouchable litterally to death out of greed and apathy. We could write about the "significance of the title" or we could write about "whether Premchand was politically motivated". Instead, I chose to write about how the very question of whether Premchand was politically motivated is obsurd (of course he is!). But sadly, although it did seem to entertain the instructor somewhat, she said I really had to write about the dumb question, instead. Oh, well. She's a good teacher; I'll do it for her. Anyway, it's due today.

Essay available upon request. Assuming, of course, that anybody in the world might be reading this stuff. :o)

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