by Bob Kanefsky (5/24/88; last revised 9/1/88) Parody of "The Black Unicorn" by
Heather Alexander

I am he you stick on your window-pane.
I am he that haunts your days.
I am he that maidens once sought in vain.
Long dead, and now the latest craze.

When you get letters from your friends,
Each page of them I will adorn.
My reign of cuteness never ends:
I am the white unicorn.

My horn of silvery tinsel is honed.
My shoulders bear butterfly wings.
I am the teddy bear you never owned.
I am the song the Smurfs all sing.

One look into my big brown eyes,
No deeper than a children's poem.
Adults are so quick to hypnotize:
You'll buy me and you'll take me home.

My coat is white as the purest snow.
My face is to cute to hide.
Prison me not in that box with a bow;
I'm scared it may be dark inside.

Oh, what a cruel blow you have dealt:
You gave me to a child of three.
Her heart's too pure and will not melt,
And she is as cute as me!

I am he that's stuck to a candy cane,
Off-white, and with a bright blue patch.
I am he, with chocolate smeared through my mane.
By gosh, I think I've met my match.

How could you leave me in her care,
Mistreated and forlorn?
Her grubby hands clenched in my hair:
One shabby white unicorn.

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| Copyright (C) 1988 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. |
| For information, contact: Off Centaur, Inc. |
| P.O. Box 424 |
| El Cerrito, CA 94530 |
| |
| You may give away up to three printed, typed, and/or electronic |
| copies of this song, provided that the above copyright notice is |
| attached and the following notice is added to it: |
| "Please do not make further copies of this song. |
| Contact the author or publisher for additional copies." |
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